


Time to stop lying

by jyusan



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-29
Updated: 2011-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-28 10:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/307114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jyusan/pseuds/jyusan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Sam talk about their relationships, sitting on the stairs under the stars. Post-S2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time to stop lying

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the "I Will Go Down With This Ship" challenge at gleeverse@LJ (full post can be found [here](http://jyusan.livejournal.com/102659.html)).

It’s a warm night in August as they are sitting outside the motel room, cherishing the calm moments after taking care of Sam’s siblings for several hours beforehand. Kurt likes to come by a lot – helping out with the kids, keeping Sam company in the madness. Sam didn’t take Kurt for the type who would like to spend time with his hyperactive siblings, but then again Kurt had a habit of surprising him, like this night when he broke their comfortable silence on the porch.

„Why didn’t you tell me you were dating Mercedes?” Kurt asks out of nowhere, voice calm and casual. The question startles Sam, his whole body tensing, but he is trying to play it cool and keeps looking ahead at the road.

„I’m not-„ he starts, trying his best to sound natural, but Kurt cuts him off, and he can practically hear him rolling his eyes.

„Please, you should know by now how observant I am”

Yeah, that too. When all Sam did was ringing the bell at Dalton academy with a pizza in hand, and 20 minutes later Kurt knew all his secrets – well, almost.

“It’s just that… we are… still trying to figure it out, you know?” he looks at Kurt then, who is watching him attentively, head cocked to the side, and the words just seem to spill from him after that, desperate to explain himself to his best friend. “We went out a few times and it was nice but, I don’t know, we kissed at the end of every date but it’s nothing serious yet, you know? I mean yeah it could be, she is cool and all but it’s like, we are just trying the waters and stuff. And I’m not sure where we stand now because the other day Santana told me she saw Mercedes flirting with that crazy guy who works in the Lima Bean, you know the one with the dreads… So yeah we didn’t tell you anything because well, we didn’t know what to tell. And it might not even matter now, I probably got dumped without previous notice – again. I must be the lousiest boyfriend in the world.”

He didn’t feel pressured by these matters throughout the day, but letting it all out makes him feel lighter. He flashes an apologetic smile at Kurt, even though it doesn’t reach his eyes and apparently doesn’t convince Kurt either, because he keeps pressing on.

“Don’t say that. Why did you start dating her in the first place?”

Sam doesn’t know whether this is the “best friend testing the boyfriend moment” or not, and even though he could ramble about things like how _Mercedes is nice, Mercedes is talented, Mercedes is attentive_ , he remembers he is talking to Kurt - the Kurt who comes over three times every week even though he doesn’t dare to ask him, the Kurt who helps him with his English reading and never laughs once during it unlike when he does his impressions, the Kurt who one day just right out kidnapped him and his siblings for a day at the pool, no refunds asked. The Kurt who is still looking at him silently, waiting for his answer without any accusation in his eyes.

“We were both lonely” he answers finally.

Kurt smiles sadly in response and looks away for the first time since their conversation started.

“Is that a good enough reason to date someone, though?” he asks, eyes distant.

“Well I guess the whole… getting to know each other and starting to date thing is blurred but…” Sam is growing anxious and frustrated for failing to put his thoughts into words. “I don’t know man, does anyone know? Is it so bad, taking a leap on a guess?” Kurt is still not looking at him. “Why did you start dating Blaine anyway? Was that love at first sight or what?” Sam’s tone is harsh but he can’t help it – talking about what is real and what isn’t has been a taboo between them before.

Kurt looks back at him, smiling sourly, eyes mocking. “Funny you would ask that. I just broke up with him yesterday because I realized it was.”

The unexpected surge of happiness inside of Sam is clouded by confusion. “What? You broke up with him because… it was love at first sight?”

Kurt chuckles warmly. “When you say it like that it’s funny. But essentially, yes. I realized I mistook my initial infatuation as love and it also affected my judgment of his behavior throughout our whole relationship, which upon reflecting without the infatuation has turned out to be something I don’t want to pursue romantically anymore” he looks sideways at Sam, who is visibly struggling with a smile, the corners of his lips turning up slightly. “What is it? Just tell me” he sighs.

A small laugh bubbles out from Sam, smile big but eyes sincere. “I’m sorry okay, I just – you know how I hated him and I don’t think he was good enough for you, so, okay, I’m just glad you managed to get rid of him.”

“You’re still not allowed to badmouth him in my presence” Kurt scolds him but he can’t help but smile, too, as he watches Sam, whose face seems to be lightened from the inside. Sam himself feels like a thousand new doors have been opened through which sunlight is reaching down to engulf him, even though he is not sure what’s behind them. Thoughts he has been ignoring for months are whispering in the far away distance, tempting him to approach.

“I wonder whether I’m being too idealistic about love, though” Kurt says, looking ahead again. “Blaine was my only shot at a relationship before college” the brief glance he steals at Sam during the sentence is one even he himself doesn’t realize.

“Is that a good enough reason to date someone, though?” asks Sam, and although his voice is not mocking, he has a broad smile on his face and when Kurt looks at him, he scowls.

“I’m sorry if you poor straight-privileged people can’t understand the handicaps of being an out homosexual in a close-minded world and not having billions of options” Kurt spits back and he feels frustrated – frustrated by Sam’s unwavering broad smile which makes his eyes crinkle, frustrated by his easiness and the way their legs touch even though there is plenty of room on the stairs, frustrated by the feeling of his own mouth tugging upwards just from looking at the other boy.

Sam takes Kurt’s sudden anger in stride and bumps their shoulders together. “Calm down, I’m not ridiculing you. Anyway, I think love is not something you need to search for, it’s something that will find you when it needs to, so the number of options doesn’t really matter”

“Says the guy who had three girlfriends during the past year” Kurt bumps their shoulders again but stays close, slightly leaning against Sam.

Sam laughs warmly then looks at Kurt with a face as serious as he can manage in his lightened mood. “Who says I was looking for love”

“That’s really not fair to the girls” Kurt whispers, suddenly overwhelmed by Sam’s gaze but he keeps looking back. They have never talked about these topics, not once since they became close friends in March. It was easy to pretend their lingering touches and gazes didn’t mean anything, it was easy to act like the reason they always ended up in each other’s life was mere coincidence – but in this moment, with Sam looking at Kurt intently and not withdrawing, Kurt just doesn’t feel like searching for excuses anymore.

“You know what’s not fair?” Sam asks, so low that Kurt has to lean closer to hear, so close that their noses brush when he shakes his head. “Promising someone a duet then breaking it up for no proper reason”

Kurt’s breath hitches and the air around them is heavy with unspoken implications – he knows he is not misinterpreting anything, he is sure of it deep down in his soul, because what Sam has just said was the most honest and intimate confession he has ever heard, simple in its wording but rich in its content, and Sam just keeps looking at him with a small smile and big, hopeful eyes. In that moment Kurt knows, knows that he was not imagining anything in the last few weeks and months, and while he also feels something he does not surely know about, he does the most natural thing that comes to mind and finally closes the little distance left between them.

He feels Sam’s smile widening under his lips – their kiss is messy because they are both giddy from happiness, but for once in his life Kurt doesn’t worry about how he might look and how he should behave, and when Sam pulls him into a hug, he realizes he has never felt more free than as he does now, encircled by Sam’s arms.

Sam holds him tight and counts the stars on the sky.


End file.
